I had set out to achieve a milestone, set by someone who actually had set it as a challenge which was supposedly unachievable for me. It was intended as a derogation or so it seemed and I had resolved that I would get back to that person and show I was not an empty show. The challenge was of degree, position and six digit compensation.
Now when all that and in fact more is achieved with Degree, Position and not six but seven digit , I felt strangely empty. Seems now that was such an inane thing. I do not even feel like letting know. Now I think how small was I then and I am ashamed of my myopic view.
Things I wanted then, I did not get and things I have got is more than I imagined. I do not believe in higher being but today I think that what s/he planned was for better. It was meant to be good for all. Today every one is better than before and that's what matters.
Maybe what I had kept as my signature, is what is Truth: Mensh Tracht und Gott Lacht. ie "Man plans and God laughs"
2 comments:
Two sides to this post.
One, that you did feel hurt at that point of time, enough to give yourself a second look and achieve what you have today. You might attribute that to ego, love, self worth, anything. But it give you a sense of underachievement, specially coming from someone, who was better than you, or so you imagined, and that was the person who you wanted validation from.
Secondly, it could have gone either way. Taken you to the ruts of insanity and shame. But you chose to accept the challenge. These choices we make in life makes us what we are.And i am proud of you for just that.
On another note, your feeling of emptiness, it's the peace of accomplishment. Don't fool yourself, had you been on the other side, without the "3" i am sure you wouldn't have risen "above" yourself and understood your "Myopic" view. Success is sweet. With or without ego. And you get to see the larger picture very well from the height.
you set a wrong milestone for yourself...so it is but natural that you'll feel that void..feel small..!
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