Notes to Myself

Past few days have seen lot of action besides work in my life. And as every action has its impact on your life, leaves bitter sweet memories and shapes your life.

These events started with my convocation at XIMB (Xavier Institute of Management). Yes I wore the cloak and got my degree in solemn academic ceremony. It was good experience. Wearing the cloak and finally being an MBA. But it left me empty somewhere. I do not know what next? I did an MBA to prove a point. I knew I can always do it and did it. My only criterion was doing an MBA not for the sake of it or garnering high grades. Most important thing was to get learning. Thankfully XIMB with its rigorous schedule and pedagogy did make us learn. I could have put this tag on me much earlier but did not because wanted to learn. However it seems it was a mistake not to complete it from any distance learning and putting a tag on me. World looks at tags not value behind it. And if had tag would have had helped me in something which was really important to me. Actually that not being there changed the course of my life. Had that impact on me, and immensely. So now when it’s done; besides the learning which is with me, it all seems like void as I do not know what next? What’s the benefit of it now? Any way these existential questions are always be hounding me.

Also, past few weeks first time since coming to Bombay I got in the act of reading books and watching movies. Thing which I liked to do. Again it’s not that my convictions have changed, or my life is still not in that stage. The convictions may actually have become stronger. Only thing is that I am resigned to the situation. Earlier I was angry but hopeful (I am still of about what I wanted), was in mood to hurt. Did not do what I wanted to do. That was the only way to punish someone by punishing myself. Taking away what was good in me. But again came back and realized it’s actually punishing me only. It does not bother people associated with that person. Do they give a hoot? So as I am resigned to my fate and know can’t do much and it’s me who has lost. Whatever I do I can’t defeat them. In a nut shell I am defeated, vanquished. So with a bit of my pride left in me I have retreated. Any war is won with allies. I did not have one. So am back to my kingdom, made up my mind no never would seek allies and be what I am.

Coming back to books, I started with Bad Girl by Llosa, reread after ages Count of Monte Cristo by Dumas, read The Reader by Bernhard Schlink (translation of the original in German “Der Vorleser”), The Bluest of Eyes by Toni Morrison, and also a bit of pulp fiction in terms Jeffrey Archers Sons of Fortune and Book of Lies. I felt elated to read each one of them besides the racy stuff of Pulp Fiction. And it was a great pleasure.

In between I caught on movies too. I saw The Reader (the movie with my favourite actor Ralph Fienes), the Slumdog Millionaire, Dev D, Ghazni and Luck by Chance in the latest ones and on DVD caught up with Dev, A Wednesday, Sajjanpur and Omkara.

Lot, after such a huge lull no. But I fear I do not go back to that punishment. Anyways let’s leave it here only. I would write about these books individually or together in my next blog. As parting word here is how I rate them…

Books:
The Bluest of Eyes: Its sheer poetry. A book which would live with you
Count of Monte Cristo: Excellent book but it meandered in the end
The Reader: Small book with a punch of life time
Bad Girl: Great book but have read better stuff of Llosa

Movies:
Dev D: Edgy, Excellent, you can either love it or hate. Nothing in between. Loved it
Slumdog: Excellent movie but not as amazing as it was made out to be
The Reader: Movie does Justice to book. It’s awesome. Liked Winslet first time
Luck by Chance: Normal Good movie
A Wednesday: Four Stars
Ghazni: Okay but not in League with Aamir’s works
Omkara: Watching second time was again an education in Film Craft hats off to Vishal

Next Plan . Prithvi Theater